and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
