i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
