Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
