My hair reeks of homosexuality.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
