There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
