I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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