I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
