Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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