i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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