You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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