We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
