Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize