My hand turned me down
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
