the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
