I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
