I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
