so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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