It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
