i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
