im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
