You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
