Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
