dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
