every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the raccoons are back...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
