I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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