drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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