I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
