he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
