i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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