my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
