We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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