he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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