I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
