ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
