it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
