Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
