There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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