I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
