I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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