I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
