I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
