Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
