So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
