I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
