New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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