It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize