Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
