pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
