Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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