fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
