Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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