Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
