What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
