6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
