We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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