youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found puke in my bra..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
