so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
