At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
