Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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