If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize