you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
