Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
