Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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