shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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