Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
