im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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