How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think people are normalizing furries
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
