Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
