Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
