So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
