you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
