Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
