You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
