Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
