You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
