My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
