Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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