Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
