Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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