It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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