it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
